Desert Rats rewritten
by mittengal
Summary: Sheppard and Ronon investigate a suspected Wraith on Earth, with FBI help


Six months has passed since the failed Wraith attack on Earth. Atlantis is back in Pegasus and the Expedition is moving ahead.

Chapter 1

"Col. John Sheppard and Ronon Dex report to Mr. Woolsey's office."

The guys were sparring in the gym. "Wonder what's going on?"said John.

"Who knows?" Ronon replied.

"I have a special mission for you. Teyla is visiting New Athos, and Rodney is in the middle of a project, but I just need you two on this one. You will be going to Earth, first to Cheyenne Mountain, then to Tucson, Arizona. You will be working with two FBI agents. An Assistant Director will be flying out from DC to brief you.

Ronon, you will need to wear Earth clothes, including a suit to meet with the AD-that will please the FBI. Didn't you get a suit and white dress shirt for that dance a while ago?"

"Yes" Ronon replied. "But I'm not wearing a tie. I can't button the neck of the shirt, and I can't see why a man would wear something that could be used to strangle him! I won't wear a bow tie either-bows belong on packages, plus Rodney wears them!"

John laughed, and Woolsey tried to hide a chuckle.

"The jacket and slacks will be fine. I know you aren't fond of ties either, John. You will be given clothes for the hot weather-desert camo pants and shirts, desert boots, hats, and sun glasses. A vehicle will be provided, as you four will need to drive out into the desert. It will be over 100 degrees F. Maybe even 110."

"We've been to hot places before," John replied.

"How soon can you both be ready?" said Woolsey.

"As soon as we can get packed" replied John.

Ronon nodded. They both hurried to their quarters.

Ronon already had a double room by himself. The small single bed was so short that his feet and lower legs hung over if he stretched out. He requested a bigger bed, but since the beds were built in, he was assigned a double, which had a larger bed. At the time, he never thought he would have a wife to share it. But he finally was able to move on from the past. It took a while to get together with Amelia-both had painful memories and trust issues, but they finally got together, married, and were planning for the future.

She had the day off from her work as Gate tech. She found Ronon's suit and garment bag, and packed his travel bag while he showered. He tried to get her in the shower with him, but she said, "You'll be late and won't hear the end of it from John!" Ronon reluctantly agreed. They kissed goodbye, and he headed for the Gate room as John was arriving.

Some new technology made it a lot faster to get to Earth, and within a week they were at Cheyenne Mountain. A charter plane took them to the Tucson FBI Headquarters. A receptionist ushered them into a conference room and introduced them to AD Skinner, the supervisor of the two agents they would be working with. Skinner knew all about the Atlantis Expedition.

Both men stared open mouthed at Skinner.

"What?" he said. "Do I have ketchup on my tie?"

"Sorry for staring" said John,"but do you have a twin brother?"

Skinner replied, "Not that I know of, but I am adopted, so who knows?"

"We know a man who could be your double-Col. Steven Caldwell, commander of the Daedalus."

"He's done well for himself-I hope he has more hair than I do!" said Skinner, with a smile.

"Nope," replied Ronon.

Just then the two FBI agents came in the door. A petite redhead and a man about John's size and coloring. Skinner introduced Agents Dana Scully and Fox Mulder. John's mouth fell open again. "They're real!"

"What?" said Ronon, who was not familiar with Earth television.

"Yes, they're real agents," said Skinner. "Both studied acting before joining the bureau. So did I. The show is sort of hiding in plain sight."

"Is it all true?" John asked.

"Not all of it. Many of the stories are fictional, and we never had a baby," said Scully."

"The part about my sister is true," said Mulder.

"A car will take you to your motel," said Skinner. "You can eat and get to know one another. You leave at the crack of dawn tomorrow. Let's begin the briefing."

Skinner spread out a dozen pictures of dead cattle. They looked shockingly similar to victims of Wraith feeding.

"This began about a month after the Wraith attack. Mostly livestock and a few other animals. The local police handled it."

He brought a map up on a computer, which showed where each dead animal was found. The dots moved from East of San Francisco, and wound through Nevada and Arizona.

Then he brought out two pictures of dead humans. Dried out husks which could only be Wraith victims. "They were killed in an isolated community nearly a hundred miles into the desert. After the second body, the local sheriff called us in on the case. It became an X File-unexplained."

"Just like in the TV show," John told Ronon.

"I need the four of you to go out to the town, actually just a tiny settlement, question the people, and investigate the area. The locals call them the Desert Rats. They have no power or running water. They bring water in from the nearest town. Don't know how they manage to live, but somehow they do. They don't bother anyone, but you are well armed just in case of trouble. Locals say they are a strange bunch."

"We've seen worse," John replied.

Chapter 2

A black SUV with dark tinted windows took them to a no frills, but clean, motel where each had their own room. It had a restaurant where they all met for dinner. John and Ronon had talked before going to eat. Ronon said Scully seemed very capable, but something about Mulder seemed off. John got the same feeling about the man.

John was totally infatuated with Scully. Ronon was concerned. They needed to work smoothly as a team, not have discord. He noticed how Mulder gave John dirty looks when he flirted with Scully. But they did not act like a couple and had separate rooms. When they got to the restaurant and were seated, the first thing Mulder did was ask if Ronon knew anything about his sister. John had filled him in on the basic X Files show, including Mulder's sister, supposedly abducted in a beam of light by aliens.

"How should I know?" Ronon said.

"I understand you're an alien," Mulder answered.

"Yes, I'm from Sateda, a planet in Pegasus galaxy, which was destroyed by the Wraith. But we never had that kind of technology, and we wouldn't abduct people even if we did!" Ronon was angry and offended, and his expression caused Mulder to shrink back in his seat.

"Sorry, no offense intended!" Mulder said, in a shaky voice.

Soon the food came and Ronon's mood improved. He thought to himself, "I will never complain about Rodney again!"

Meanwhile, John flirted with Scully and she seemed to enjoy it. Mulder seemed more and more stressed out, and finally said "I'm going to the rest room."

John gave Ronon a sidelong look, and Ronon said he wanted to check out the gift shop, which was adjacent to the restaurant. He could see their table from the gift shop, which had nothing but tacky tourist stuff. John and Scully were leaning forward, laughing and flirting. After about twenty minutes, Ronon went back to the table.

John said, "Did Mulder fall in? We all need to get some sleep." As team leader, he wanted to get everyone to their rooms for the night.

"I'll go check on him," Ronon said. Entering the empty men's room, he heard Mulder's voice and a woman's voice too, but it sounded strange.

He couldn't understand her, but Mulder was saying things like,"Oh yeah, baby, you're so hot!" Ronon wondered if he had a woman in the toilet stall.

Ronon kicked the stall door and shouted, "Get your ass out, we need to leave! Orders from Col. Sheppard!"

Mulder said, "I have to go!"

"Well go-you're on the toilet!" Ronon said, exasperated.

"I wasn't talking to you!" Mulder said.

Then he said "Oh shit!" He came out of the stall with his phone in one hand and his other hand holding his fly. "My zipper is stuck!"

"What the hell were you doing-playing with yourself?" Ronon exclaimed.

"It's called phone sex!" Mulder replied.

"You have sex with your phone? You Earth men are weird!" Ronon said, rolling his eyes.

"No, you call, and after giving them your credit card number, a woman answers, and talks, you know, dirty, and well, you can figure it out," Mulder said, embarrassed.

"Aren't you and Scully together? You look mad when John flirts with her, like she's your woman," Ronon asked.

"Well, sometimes, sometimes not-I don't know! I get stressed and do the phone thing," said Mulder, looking uncomfortable.

"Well, why not just pick her up, take her to the bed, and go at it! Relieves your stress and her's too. Works for me and my wife," Ronon answered.

Mulder was trying to get his zipper loose but not having much luck. "Can you give me a hand?" he asked.

"No way!" Ronon said angrily.

"I'm not hitting on you, I just need some help!" Mulder said frantically.

"I wouldn't touch your zipper with a hazmat suit on!" Ronon said, as he opened the door to leave.

"Please don't tell!" Mulder pleaded.

Ronon gave him a smirk and went back out to the table. He told them, "Mulder's constipated!" Then went back to the gift shop-might as well let John enjoy himself.

A while later Mulder came out, zipped up and looking sheepish. The two agents went to their rooms, and Ronon said, "Wait up, John. You got to hear this." They went in John's room and Ronon told him the story. John cracked up laughing, saying phone sex is very common.

"Like I've said a million times, your planet is weird!" Walking to his room, Ronon wondered why Mulder preferred phone sex. Scully was too skinny, in his opinion, but pretty and nice. Definitely something off about Mulder!

Chapter 3

The next morning, they were up at dawn, ate breakfast, and headed out into the desert. The FBI had provided them with a different SUV, also with dark windows, but this one had huge tires, almost like a monster truck, and a GPS programmed to their destination. Plenty of water bottles, sun screen, MRE's, extra gas, first aid kit, toilet paper, and a radio, since there was no cell service. Ronon had his particle blaster, P90, side arm, and assorted knives. John had his P90 and side arm. The two agents had 9mm's. Plenty of ammo, flares, and even some C4. Mulder drove and had nothing to say, while John and Scully chatted happily. Ronon had decided not to worry about the situation. If Mulder gave John any trouble, he would just hit him. Problem solved. The desert was monotonous and he soon fell asleep.

They began to worry that the GPS malfunctioned and they were lost, but a small group of decrepit looking trailers and a few run down shacks appeared on the horizon. When the vehicle pulled up, a few people came out to meet them. They sort of matched the dwellings, and lacked personal hygiene, but the premises was clean, not one bit of trash. Water for bathing and laundry had to be in short supply. There were several outhouses a short distance away, and a small trailer with a sign that read "Garbage."

"You must be the folks the sheriff told us to expect!" said a large man,who appeared to be the leader. The others stood behind him, looking nervous. Sheppard introduced the four and told them they were here to find out who had killed their neighbors.

"I'm Moose," the large man replied. "Here is Blinky, Fuzzy, Zuzu, Tiny, Ziggy, and Puddin'. The rest are afraid to leave their houses since the murders, and since Spooky saw the ghost."

"Ghost?" said John.

"Spooky has always talked about ghosts, but no one paid her no mind, but she saw it, and so did Night Owl," said Moose.

"Can I have everyone's real first and last names for our records?" John asked.

"These names are the only ones we use," Moose answered. "We live way off the grid. Many of us are too scared to give our real names, if we even remember them."

"OK," John said, thinking that pressuring them for names might make them uncooperative. "Exactly what happened when your friends were killed?"

Moose replied, "Well, Night Owl-he sleeps in the day and stays up at night-heard something, looked out his window, and saw someone strange. A tall, thin man with long white hair, wearing some kind of long black clothes, was walking by Night Owl's trailer. He stopped, like he knew someone was watching. Night Owl ducked down, so didn't get a look at his face. When he peeked out again, the man was gone. The next morning, we found Kitty dead in her trailer, all shriveled up! We were too scared to do anything, but a few weeks later, Shorty was found dead in his trailer, same as Kitty. Then we called the sheriff, and I guess he called you."

"I need to talk to Night Owl," John said.

"He doesn't like to be woke up before sunset," said Moose.

"Is he a vampire?" spoke up Mulder.

"No, just eccentric, like all of us!" laughed Moose.

"Well, tell him the Air Force says to get his butt out here!" Sheppard replied.

Moose knocked on the door of a trailer, and an angry voice yelled some curse words. Moose yelled some other curse words, and said to get out here or he would drag his ass out himself.

Ronon said, "I like his style!"

Soon a very pale, disgruntled man emerged from the trailer, and said "What do you assholes want?"

"We want to ask you some questions about the man you saw the night Kitty was killed," John answered.

Night Owl gave the same description Moose had given, adding, "He gave me the creeps. Something unnatural about him and I felt like he could read my mind!"

John thanked him, and Night Owl replied, "Next time come at night, like a normal person!"

"Now we need to talk to Spooky," said John. He noticed that Scully hid a grin every time Spooky's name was mentioned. He wondered why.

"She doesn't come out of her house since she saw the ghost" Moose said, "but I'll talk to her."

They followed Moose to a small shack that looked like a good wind would blow it over. He knocked and called, "Spooky, some folks from the Air Force need to talk to you about the ghost."

The door opened a few inches, and an eye looked out. "You need to come out-no one will hurt you," said Moose.

Slowly the door opened and a woman of indeterminate age stepped out. A smell like a dirty Porta Potty followed her. She had matted hair, no teeth, and old needle scars on her arms. Moose spoke sternly to the woman."You need to start going to the outhouse and clean up your place!"

"I've been too scared to go outside because of the ghost," she replied.

"These folks are here to get rid of it so you can go out again," Moose said. "Tell them what happened when you saw it."

Spooky began her story. "I used to go for walks early in the morning before it got so hot. I walked to the haunted house. There are ghosts there but they are harmless. But this time I saw a new ghost. It was almost as tall as him," indicating Ronon, "but very thin, with long white hair and wearing a long black leather coat. In this heat! Had to be a ghost! It saw me and ran toward me-very fast. I was so scared but I couldn't move. It was like I was hypnotized. I saw it's face-it was awful! Greenish white skin with strange looking grooves and markings on it, and pointed teeth. I fell back on the ground, and it reached out a hand toward me. It had claws, and a cut on the palm of the right hand. It touched me briefly, and it hurt like hell! Then it pulled back it's hand, made a hissing noise, and said, 'tainted.' Then it ran into the haunted house. I lay there for a while before I was able to get up and go home."

John & Ronon looked at each other-had to be a Wraith!

"Where is this haunted house?" John asked Moose.

"If you look hard over that way," he pointed East, "you can barely see it." There was a house off in the distance.

The team got into the vehicle and drove to the house. It did look like a stereotypical haunted house-hanging shutters, sagging porch and steps, spaces between unpainted boards. Except it was a small one story, rather than the usual tall Victorian. Weapons drawn, they went in the house, John in the lead, Ronon in the rear. There were long narrow foot prints in the dust, leading to a cellar door.

"Ronon, guard that door while we clear the rest of the house," ordered John. They checked out the rooms, then he called out, "clear."

They went cautiously down the creaking stairs. No way to sneak up on the Wraith. There was a trap door in the floor, and no other exits. Ronon stood on the trap door, while the others explored the cellar. Nothing there except a long table with a bunch of glass jars of different sizes, which looked like canning jars. Inside were different colored gelatinous liquids, some containing small "things." Mulder reached to touch one, but John smacked his hand away, saying, "No one touch anything!"

"Scully, you're a doctor, any idea what this is?" John asked.

"No, never seen anything like this," she replied.

The "things" were not all alike. Some were round or oval blobs, some had five small protrusions-head & limbs?

"Maybe cloning?" said Ronon.

"That's what I was thinking" John replied. "But in the middle of the desert, with no scientific equipment? But who knows what the Wraith could have."

Time to check out the trap door. All guns were pointed at it and Ronon pulled it up. A Wraith jumped out and was immediately stunned and hand cuffed.

The trap door had steps going down to a small, empty room with no outlet. They continued to explore the cellar until the Wraith woke up.

"How did you escape?" was the first question John asked.

"Why should I tell you-you will just kill me anyway!" Ronon began removing various knives from his pockets.

"I can either kill you quickly, or make it extremely unpleasant. But don't you want us to know how clever you are before you die?" said Ronon.

The Wraith thought for a minute, then replied. "Why not? You inferior humans should know the story of the last Wraith! I am the most intelligent of all the Wraith scientists."

John & Ronon looked at one another-it reminded them of someone they both knew!

"I led an elite scientific team," the Wraith went on. "But another scientist coveted my position. So when we were leaving to feed, I was knocked unconscious, and did not regain consciousness until all the others were dying. I hid until the humans had gone, in a place in the hive only I knew about. I learned about the Earth drugs that killed them all. That's how I knew that woman was tainted-I could smell the residue of drugs in her body. I managed to get away and hide in the desert. I lived on animals until I found this place. This house was perfect, glass jars in the cellar, and humans who would not be missed. Or so I thought."

"Is this a cloning operation?" John asked.

"Yes. I can explain how I did it, but you humans are too ignorant to understand!"

"You're right there!" John said.

"But not too ignorant to kill you!" replied Ronon. "Do I have permission to shoot it now, Col. Sheppard?" Ronon asked formally.

"Permission granted!" Ronon pointed his blaster at the Wraith's head, then hesitated. "Satedan's believe it's dishonorable to kill any being while tied-human, animal, even Wraith."

"So cut it loose, if that will make you feel OK about it," John replied.

Ronon removed the hand cuffs. The Wraith quickly lunged at him and was shot by his blaster, center mass, set on kill. Then he blew away the Wraith's head just to be sure.

"I would call that suicide by Ronon," said John."Now to decide what to do with the body and the cloning lab."

Mulder replied, "The government will want to take charge of it all, but that could be really bad."

All agreed. The government was rumored to have black ops programs, plus there were terrorist groups, and what if some crazy dictator got hold of the info? Blowing it up with C4 was discussed, but would a small piece of "something" land and grow? Creepy thought! It was decided an "accidental fire" would be the best solution.

A jumbo gas can was retrieved from the SUV and gasoline was poured on the body, and the table, but not in the jars. Who knew what the stuff was-it could blow up in someone's face. The trap door was left open, and gas was poured down the steps. Then a trail up the steps, through the house, and the rest on the porch. They decided to move the SUV some distance from the house, in case there was an explosion. Someone would throw a flare onto the porch, then run to the vehicle. John said he should be the one, but Ronon said he was a faster runner, which was true. So he lit a flare, threw it on the porch, and ran. Fortunately no explosion.

The tinder dry house burned rapidly, and there was a loud 'whump' when the basement caught fire. The flames rose twice the height of the house, then lowered and turned different colors, finally burning blue. Then the fire became normal color and burned for over an hour. There was nothing for the fire to spread to, just sand. By then it was getting dark. They decided to spend the night in the SUV. The desert was cold at night, and the rubble would be cool enough to explore in the morning. They had rations, water, and thermal blankets for the night.

There was some disagreement about who slept where. The seats were roomy, but leg room was a problem for the men, especially Ronon. It was decided he would get the shotgun seat, Scully would sleep behind him, as she was short and didn't care if the seat was pushed all the way back. John got the driver's seat, pushed partway back, giving both men ample leg room. Mulder complained that he wanted the driver's seat, but John wasn't moving. The rising sun woke them, and they hurried to inspect what was now a blackened hole in the ground. Nothing but charcoal.

They drove back to the settlement and were met by Moose and a few others. They had spent a fearful night, and were relieved to be told the killer was dead. Spooky ventured out and asked if they were sure the ghost was gone. "Ghosts can be hard to get rid of!" she exclaimed. John assured her it was not a ghost, but she was not convinced until he told her they had consulted with Ghostbusters, and there was indeed no ghost. Spooky was then convinced.

As a doctor, Scully was concerned about the people in the settlement. Couldn't they find a place to live with power, water, and closer to medical care? Moose insisted that they chose to live where they did, and they all agreed. "We don't bother anyone and they don't bother us. The townspeople are scared of us but we do no harm."

"How do you make a living-get food?" Scully asked.

"Once a month, some of us go into the nearest town, and get canned food, water bottles, and supplies. Also take the garbage to the dump. We take turns and drive that truck over there." It was an ancient long bed pickup that looked like it wouldn't run, but it obviously did. "We all get some kind of check at the post office. Pension, veterans, social security. A few have IRAs and one even has a trust fund." That was surprising. "We have rules-all must do their share, no freeloaders. Respect others. Keep the place clean. We're not like those filthy bums in the cities! And no drugs or alcohol."

Moose said he missed having a beer now and then, but if allowed, some would abuse it. Scully said they were better off not drinking alcohol in the heat, as it dehydrates. She asked what they did if someone got sick or injured. Moose said they took care of them as best they could, or drove them to town to the hospital. Scully was not happy about that, but realized they were adults, and it was their choice. The people were very grateful for the team's help, and Moose even made a short speech. The team then headed back to the motel to clean up, as their hair, clothes, and boots were black with soot.

Chapter 4

Later they met at the restaurant for dinner. Mulder had been pestering Ronon about his blaster, so they walked a ways out in the desert, and he showed it to Mulder, explained how it worked, but told him he never lets anyone else shoot it. Then they found a large cactus and did some target practice with the 9mm's.

Meanwhile, John and Scully got to talk. He had asked her previously to come to Atlantis, and she had said she would think about it. He told her they needed more doctors for the expedition. There was a lot of medical research, and visits to settlements on planets who, because of the Wraith culling, were very backward and had no medical care. Plus the infirmary-someone was always getting sick or injured. She would be seeing Ronon frequently for stitches from sparring.

"Have you thought about Atlantis?" John asked.

Scully looked down and said softly, "Yes, but I'm afraid the answer is no."

"Is it Mulder?" he asked.

"Yes" she replied.

"I guess you like him," said John sadly.

"I do. I don't know if I love him, but I just know I want to be with him. I know he's strange, people call him Spooky behind his back, and I know about the phone sex," she said.

"Doesn't that bother you?" John asked.

"Yes it does, but he says it's an addiction," she replied.

"Sounds like bullshit to me-you would never have to take a back seat to my phone!" he exclaimed.

Scully smiled, and said, "I'm sure I wouldn't!"

"If you ever change your mind, you can send me a message at Cheyenne Mountain." There was an awkward silence, and then John said, "I better get the guys back here, and we should all get packed. Our ride to the airport will be coming soon."

When the SUV pulled up, there were two men, both in dark suits and sun glasses. The passenger got out and into the "monster" SUV. He complained about the soot before leaving.

Back at the airport, goodbyes and handshakes were exchanged. Mulder shook Ronon's hand and said, "let me know if you see or hear anything about my sister."

Ronon resisted the urge to punch him, and just said, "Whatever."

When Ronon shook Scully's hand, he leaned down and said softly, "You could do a lot worse than John Sheppard."

"I know," she replied sadly.

John shook her hand and bent to kiss her goodbye, but she ducked, and kissed his cheek.

John and Mulder shook hands briefly, but did not look at one another.

Then they all went to catch their planes, the agents to DC, John and Ronon to Cheyenne Mountain, and home.

When Ronon came through the gate, it was almost dinner time. He saw Amelia, smiling, at her console. He squeezed her hand and gave her a quick kiss on the side of her head. She said she was done with her shift in a few minutes, and would meet him in the mess hall. Then she whispered, "We can have our shower later." He walked toward the mess hall with a spring in his step-it was good to be home!

John went straight to Mr. Woolsey's office. "Got your report already?" he asked.

"No, I'll have it tomorrow," John replied. "I have a question-if I were to get a message at Cheyenne Mountain from someone in the FBI, would I be sure to receive it?"

"Of course! There's no problem with that," Woolsey answered.

John thanked him and left.

Woolsey thought, "I wonder what that was all about?"


End file.
